I'm gonna have a badass scar
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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