Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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