butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
