how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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