1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
ttyl tear gas
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
