hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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