Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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