This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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