Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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