i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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