I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
