she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
