What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
