I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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