She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
