Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
