You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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