I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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