Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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