oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
