Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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