one two three fourrrrnication!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
