I just pynch a tree in the face
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
