its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
