Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
