Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
