Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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