Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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