But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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