You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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