I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
