Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I don't think brook has ever known best
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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