Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
