Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
