3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just gargled with NyQuil
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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