Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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