The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
