shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
