you would pick up someone in the library
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
