I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dick very happy bro
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
