i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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