Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
