i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
