I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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