You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
