I think I died a long time ago.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
