i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
