I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
