i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
