insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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