tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
